They buried you today….. they who love you so. I drove north to get the kids a kitten as I couldn’t stand the confinement of my house anymore. I drove and I thought of you and of what you may be wearing in your casket and then got mad at myself for even caring. Your obituary came yesterday with no mention of her.. and I breathed a sigh of relief and was pissed all at once.
I can’t believe you are dead and that you get to skirt all of her questions of where you were. I can’t believe that I will never hear your voice again or look over on the road and see you.
I sat here… 600 miles away from where they put you in the ground and I imagined it all… the flowers, the music, the words, the sorrow the tears….
and I was thankful that it wasn’t mine.
thankful and sad and pissed…..
I watched her sleep tonight… her breathing… the sweet way she curls up… and I am torn at how I feel. How is it that I can be thankful that you never held her and yet so sad all at the same time?
May 4, 2009 at 1:48 pm |
I know all these feelings. I’ve had 11 years to process them. Sometimes they still bother me, sometimes not. Praying for strength for you.
May 4, 2009 at 10:06 pm |
I’m sorry for all this person never was for you, for her. I just discovered your blog and have to tell you that you are a gifted writer.I am sure you will find just the right words to answer her questions and protect her heart.